So here’s the thing…
I’ve realized that I have to remember that this is something new to both of us. It is going to take time and he will have feelings about all of this too – strong feelings, so I learned.
Last night was more or less perfect. He had expressed how tired he was so when we went back to his place, I expected to just pass out. We had not really talked about anything since the other night, and so I figured maybe he wasn’t completely up for it. That possibility was disappointing to say the least. And then he crawled into bed, snuggled up to me, and peeled my clothes off of me. Previously, I would have never let that fly. It was always my pace, my way. I was more than taken aback but I wanted to see what happened.
“I’m going to touch you there,” he spoke, completely calm and firm at once. Alarm bells went off in my head. That hot familiar rush of panic set in. He immediately stopped me with steady assurance that this was okay. Surprisingly, he’s been far more thoughtful than I could have ever imagined. The entire time he was fixated on my eyes, asking me how I was feeling, what I was thinking, and assuring me that I was allowed to feel pleasure. I don’t give this guy enough credit, seriously.
The sex that followed was deeply comforting. He knew without a word from me that that is what we needed, that I was overwhelmed and processing many emotions.
Afterwards, we lay there. I admitted my surprise that he’s actually followed through with this. He glared at me, suddenly angry. And then he was scolding me for doubting him, instructing that I had to support him, and believe in him, instead of waiting for him to fail. I was stunned. He has never scolded or expressed such raw emotion. Seeing that I hurt him deeply saddened me, and when I apologized, I sincerely meant it.
“This whole thing makes me nervous,” he sighed, visibly a little shaken. In that moment, it all clicked for me. Could it be possible that he’s been repressing his true dominant self all along? It would explain why all of this has come so naturally for him. I truly am in awe of this man, for he is not the man I have been dating for two years. I think the uncovering of his true nature has left him a bit shaken in his own head.
From here on out, I will have to be mindful of this.
We cuddled and watched TV for awhile before he told me to go to sleep…and being exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, I obliged.
Sometime later, when I was nearly asleep, he roused me by wrapping his arms around me from behind, pulling me into his chest. He whispered in my ear, “Take your clothes off, you’re going to ride me now.”